Currently Listening Daughtry By Daughtry It's Not Over see related

         I prayed for so long.

                               strength         courage          faith          to be understanding and accepting

                  guidance          something to get my mind off everything

It feels like my life is falling into place. School. Work. Family. Friends. God.

God is the most amazing of all. I'm not sad anymore. Opportunities are falling at my feet. I'm busy. I'm independent. I'm happy. I'm strong. I'm finally alive.

That year of being unhappy and praying has turned my life around. I started caring about people and their happiness. I stopped judging and started loving and accepting, realizing that people just grow up differently and that they are the way they are because of it. "The best way to change the consciousness of others is by your example."

I stopped being closed off, and started hanging out with friends and people that I normally didn't make time for. God has been working in my life everyday, and I can see Him working in my friends' lives.

Do not waste the precious moments of this, your present reality, seeking to unveil all of life's secrets
Those secrets are secret for a reason. Grant you God the benefit of the doubt.
Use your Now Moment for the Highest Purpose--the creation and expression of Who You Really Are
Decide Who You Are--Who you want to be--and then do everything in your power to be that

Why my life is good----------->GOD, my family, my dogs, my job, my education, my girl friends who are the best in the world, my guy friends who are so awesome, long talks with Ryan, Ryan's friends, my computer, my iPod, Beaners, scarves, friends who keep in touch even when I don't, knitting, scrapbooking, country music, my camera, my cell phone, my complicated relationship with Alex and finally...

my undying love for the people who make and have made my life so amazing.

Currently Listening I'm Not Dead By Pink Who Knew see related

So I figured I would update for all of you who care about what's going on in my life. I'll start with last weekend, because it's a good story.....

Last weekend----> Audrey and I decided that come Hell or high water, we were getting good seats to the upcoming Toby Keith  concert. So at 3pm on Friday afternoon we packed up junk food, magazines, chairs and blankets and got in line. There were unfortunately about 7 people in front of us. Three of them though, just happened to be some sweet MSU boys. Downside? (As if there would be a downside to that...) They were scalpers. There was no way we could sweet talk our way in front of them. They were out to make big cash. Deservingly so, since they had been there since noon. So we made fast friends, played cards, football, frisbee, and even ordered take out with them. Heck we even slept together (of course girls and boy separate, and it was on cold, hard concrete....we weren't looking for romance mind you, just some sweet tickets). So the next morning the radio station came at 8am with free coffee and no-bake cookies. Audrey and I recorded a clippet for the station (listen for it)! Then 10am came, and we watched sadly as the scalpers in front of us bought up the 2nd and 3rd rows with $$ in their eyes. When it was our turn, 4th row center popped up. It wasn't front row as we had hoped, but it's still going to be an amazing concert. And I think Audrey would agree that the fun night we had...MIGHT make up for losing the first 3 rows...what do you say Aud?

As for the rest of my life...things are going so awesome right now. This summer was a crazy, hectic learning experience. I got an awesome job, met some wonderful people, passed both of my online classes with flying colors....and learned so much about myself. I've gained this whole new sense of independence since this time last year. Before I was depressed, judgemental, lonely and sad all the time. Now I feel like God has opened the doors to a new and better...me. I look at everything as an opportunity, not as a set back. The thing that used to be the problem in my life (Alex) maybe wasn't my problem at all. He certainly didn't help, but I never took the time to just stop and think about me, and what I really wanted. I was being torn down by Alex and all my thoughts about him and what happened to our relationship. I wanted something for him that he didn't want for himself. And instead of letting him do his own thing, I felt compelled to change him. As soon as I let that go...I felt so free. I still care about him and I always will. In this past year I've had to figure out who I am without him. I wasn't able to do that when I was allowing his every move to control my life and emotions. I'm done doing that, and now I feel like I can breathe again.

In the meantime, I have a new job, school to concentrate on, awesome family and friends, a new support system in Riverview and the upcoming small groups....and a new someone . And I myself am someone new...I'm finally me.

Two more things...

1) I'm going on a vacation for a week with no internet (ah!). So leave many comments so I can have some love to come back to.

2) I'm gonna close up with a song that I'm in love with at the moment. And though the lyrics may not relate to my life right at this moment, they're definitely a blast from the past. Enjoy!!

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around

I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool

I wish I could touch you again

I wish I could still call you friend

I'd give anything


When someone said count your blessings now
Before they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong

They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
I miss you
My darling
Who knew

Currently Listening Bethany Dillon By Bethany Dillon see related

this is another way i've been feeling lately......

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep his attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love

something kind of strange happened tonight...after I posted this on my myspace, and had forgotten to post it on here.....i ended up talking to alex about it. then what we talked about..kinda came to life. and it's just so weird and ironic that all of this happened at once. like God was trying to tell me something. i hate seeing the signs, but never figuring out the answer. i know i will someday...but it's so hard waiting until then. i just got the answer to one of my questions. people do see me and love me for who i am. and i know the one person that i want to most...does too. it's just the horrible waiting and wondering and questions that God won't answer for me yet. i'm struggling with that. not all the time...sometimes i can push it away, but not always, and then it's so hard to push it back again. i hope He shows me before you all think i'm crazy...if you don't already

I've found the most perfect song for me.....

It’s the only thing worth life and death.
It’s the first moment and the final breath.
It’s a broken heart keeping a solemn vow
And a lost soul being found.
You pray for faith when it’s hard to believe.
You choose to stay when it’s easy to leave
And when hope is gone you’re the one who keeps holding on.

That’s what love is
When you give until there’s nothing left
And it makes you give the very best.
That’s what love is.
It can make you laugh and make you cry.
It can let you down and lift you up so high
When you find the only reason left to live.
That’s what love is.

It’s the dream you give up for someone else.
It’s being strong when you’re weak yourself.
Though it tears you up you trust again.
Hatred loses and forgiveness wins.
You turn your cheek when you want to fight.
Sell all you have and lay down your life
And when hope is gone you’re the one who keeps holding on.

That’s what love is
When you give until there’s nothing left
And it makes you give the very best.
That’s what love is.
It can make you laugh and make you cry.
It can let you down and lift you up so high
When you find the only reason left to live.
That’s what love is.

It’s reaching out and holding on so someone else will know.
Love is in the not letting go.